CleanUp in the Produce Aisle

Cleanup in the Produce Aisle
by Minnakoda
Pairin': J/B

OM effin' god! This girl(who by the way has become one of my good friends on Twitter), has got her way with makin' a vegetable or fruit so damn temptin' and erotic. I catagorize this o/s as crackfic straight from the depths of hell! I was laughin' so hard as she described someone doin' nasty things to inatimate objects. Here let me give ya a little bit of her story:

I heard her moan, and watched as she fondled the peaches, slowly bringing one up to her face and rubbing it against her cheek. She inhaled deeply, seeming to savour their scent as I carefully increased the intensity of the hunger and lust which I was sending at her. I watched, captivated as her lips slowly closed around the fruit and she took a bite. Juices dribbled down her chin, and I resisted the sudden urge to walk over and lick the sickly sweet smelling liquid off of her as it dribbled down her neck. I knew it would taste disgusting, no matter what it smelt like; human food always tasted like cardboard.

My eyes followed the trail of juice down her neck and I felt my pants tighten as her throat bobbed slightly, swallowing the fruit. Hmm, I had better keep focused; I don't normally feel the emotions I send to others so strongly.

But what got me laughin' the most was my commandin' officer*snickers at his embarassment*. While tryin' to hide from this unknown brunette who is throwin' off some major sad vibes, he decides to play a little game. First is the peaches, then the banana, and lastly a tomato.

My commandin' officer blames it on his alter ego, but he becomes highly aroused by the scene playin' out in front of his eyes, yep in comes the grocery basket just to hide the painful erection.*sighs at thought's of his ragin' erection, earnin' a glare from The Major*

This o/s was turned into a multi-chapter fic called Dark Temptation, which is highly recommendable for for those who enjoy shoppin' a little more than they should.

In Dark Temptation, there were many things I didn't understand(hence all the tweets askin' questions) but I did get through all of her chapters. It's wonderfully written with angst and drama galore. And, even the mention of a three-some *maybe I can get her to write that lemon, gives my girl the puppy dog eyes*, probably she won't. Anyways, I'm gettin' the glare again for usin' The Majors computer again.

"Hey, this was YOUR idea...not mine. Ya, know if ya didn't growl so much ya probably wouldn't have a problem with that ragin' hard on. Again, YOUR fault that is so damn sexy!" *ducks for cover from The Major* *whispers "Shit, I'm in trouble"*

Signin' off,

Sgt. TittyKickers

Behind Enemy Lines

Behind Enemy Lines (click here for immedaite access to her story)
By Jazzella

While by far this is one of the most thrillin' fics I have read ever(and I do mean ever), I have to say that the brilliance in this lovelies mind is astoundin'. I think I hounded her for a full 24 hours to get an update from her. I'm surprised she didn't kill me with as much beggin' I had done. When readin' this story, I was constantly on my toes and there was a surpise at every corner. I think I made it as far as Chapter 9 and my cold dead heart wanted to restart so bad. With the anticipation she has written, I know for sure that I never knew what was goin' to happen. Double Agents, Tactical Manouvers and Who exactly is the Enemy? It had me wonderin' about everythin'.

While she was mentioned in the very first posting of this blog, I have to give her so much credit for the visuals she gave me of my commandin' officer *stifles laughter as The Major glares at me*, what can a girl say about a vamp in uniform. *again he glares at me for the amount of lust pourin off me*. Here's a little snipit of Bella practically gettin' wet panties over her boyfriends brother:

Jasper was instantly by my side, turning me towards him. “Don’t be embarrassed Bella, it’s a perfectly natural reaction.” His arm slid around my waist, pulling me close to him as he bent down, bringing his mouth to my ear. He continued in a seductive whisper and I swooned against him. “Human females are supposed to react to males of our kind like that. If you’re busy thinkin’ about our bodies bein’ pressed up against yours, it subdues you; prevents you from runnin’ away…” his breath moved down the side of my neck, “…when we bite you.”

Ummm, yeah! *snickers* Hello, what's not totally panty wettin' about that. Yep, that definantly makes me want to rub my legs together for some sort of friction. *whipsers Hey, Major...isn't that almost what ya did to me* again I get the look. Jeeze, a girl can't win for anythin' around here.

Within her story, you see that there are three different personalities for our lovely Major. There is Jasper the silent one, The Major who is always calculatin', and then there is The God of War the cage rattler. It's an 'Oh, Shit' type of scenerio with that one. Obviously I have met Jasper and The Major, but oh lovely Mr. Cage Rattler I have not. The only one who has ever witnessed him was, well that was before my time.

While, I must go back to my post for now...I highly recommend readin' this absolute drool worthy, screen lickin', panty wettin' story.

*salutes*

Sgt. TittyKickers

A Note From The Major

Ya'll vamps and humans alike, Welcome. As you will find on this thin' we are just startin' up so please bear or bare with us. Whichever you choose. As we say there is no modesty and if ya wanna walk around naked be my guest.

I will reitterate exactly what the Seargent said, we do not take lightly to bullyin' in the fandom. I do not tolerate it, so please be respectful of all authors mentioned on this thin'. While y'all may find some of the mentions on here disturbin', don't read it. Plain and simple.

Again, Welcome to this thin' and enjoy ya stay. I'm handin' this over to the Seargent from now on...but beware, I have the means to make it all go away. And if I don't like what I see, then it is gone.

Major J. Whitlock