While this week the Major and I don't have an update just yet, you will find the website under construction at the moment. We have to thank @TheOneMama and @THEChickNorris for their input and help with this upgrade.
Check out @MamasEyeCandy for some HOT pics that may get you wet and swooning *giggles*
Mama's Eye Candy
Check back soon for an story rec...
TittyKickers
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Dia de los Muertos by stitchcat
Dia de los Muertos
By: stitchcat
Pairings: Jasper/??
Rating: M
While I've had proper time to heal after(yes, I did lose a few fingers) the Major decided that my lustful commentary about him was inappropriate, I've taken the quick time off to read a few stories. The one that the Major and I are recommending this week is Dia de los Muertos by stitchcat. While, I know most everything of how the Major *and, cough, Maria, cough* had his beginning, I still had never seen the Major at his worst. In this story, the Major is depicted as one bad ass mother-fucker. *licks lips at the thought of a sexy ass Major. Hey, I just can't make the innuendos through the blog for a while*
It's a haunting tale of a boy named Pedro, who has the responsibility of a man in around the 1860's near Monterrey, Mexico. He runs from town to town, warning the pueblos of the 'demons' with red eyes. At his last stop, he comes across Pedre Benito Vela, a devoted priest from a small town whose faith in God is his only reason to doubt Pedro's imaginative tale.
As we listen to Pedro's tale unfold he talks about the horrors he witnessed. Here's a snippet:
He had chanced a look at the main street – all he could see – and immediately wished he hadn't. These were not men, they were monsters. The scene below him, hindered though it was, was that of a nightmare. For an intelligent man like Pedro it was almost impossible to comprehend. Shapes blurred from house to house, room to room, dragging the occupants into the street. The first few minutes of the attack appeared to be pure savagery. People were torn limb from limb, several of the demons converging on what remained and drinking the blood spurting from severed arteries. Body parts were tossed around like children's toys, blood was running in the slop channel in the street. It was as if the creatures had been taken over by a feeding frenzy.
Now I don't know about you, but I found that to be a lot like what it feels like here, though the Major is toned down. We are in a new state of war in Texas, much like Mexico back then. It's about territory and feeding again, much like before the Voturi stepped in all those years ago.
As the story unfolds, we see that Pedro's tale, effects the towns people of El Pueblo de los Santos. With their faith in God and the priest that upholds their devotion, and after a few days a massacre ensues.
Now, I have seen gruesome in my time, along with deranged newborns *mutters an 'ouch' as the Major smack me upside the head, reminding me that I was once a deranged newborn too*, but the scene inside the sanctuary, well... lets just see what mental image you come up with after reading this:
Screams echoed around the adobe walls, figures blurred and crashed too quickly to be properly comprehended. Padre Vela had a strange image of a child, his neighbor's child, flying through the air, limbless and spouting blood from each socket, to be caught by another and devoured. It was at that precise moment that Padre Vela realized the truth Pedro had been trying to tell. These things truly were monsters, demons. This was no neat blood-letting, this was carnage. Limb ripped from limb, viscera exposed, intestines torn out and thrown casually to one side, heads lobbed away like stones in a game. Gore splattered the inside of the church. Slime, entrails, excreta and urine ran down the aisle; it was splashed all over the walls, the altar, the floor. The demons still greedily feasting on the once-human flesh before them paid no attention to the Padre as he eased himself behind the altar. He was unsurprised to see Pedro sheltering there also.
*points at the screen, saying I told you so* See what I mean? As much as I would like to admit that our life here in Texas is all rainbows and butterflies, it's not. It's nasty, gruesome and a fight till death, human or vampire.
While, both the Major and I were astonished at how clearly she wrote his past, she brings another haunting element into the story. A priest, a man of God who by now clearly is second guessing his faith, becomes one of us. Losing his faith thinking that he has been damned to hell, he strips himself of his robes and his faith and becomes the one on another mission. Her description of the priest, made me shudder with the fact that he is still out there, watching and waiting for the right moment to strike.
This is just the first chapter, as I'm not going to get into the second. Her descriptions had me cowering in fear, second guessing just whose more dangerous the Major *earns a glare, mutters a sorry to the Major* or the priest.
This story is such an excellent read even though there is only two chapters, it's a work in progress. Neither the Major or I can wait for an update. Maybe she has some sort of "gift" that reaches into the past to write a story that was clearly before her time. Go and give her some love, for as much as we love the Major.
Signing off,
Sgt. TittyKickers
By: stitchcat
Pairings: Jasper/??
Rating: M
While I've had proper time to heal after(yes, I did lose a few fingers) the Major decided that my lustful commentary about him was inappropriate, I've taken the quick time off to read a few stories. The one that the Major and I are recommending this week is Dia de los Muertos by stitchcat. While, I know most everything of how the Major *and, cough, Maria, cough* had his beginning, I still had never seen the Major at his worst. In this story, the Major is depicted as one bad ass mother-fucker. *licks lips at the thought of a sexy ass Major. Hey, I just can't make the innuendos through the blog for a while*
It's a haunting tale of a boy named Pedro, who has the responsibility of a man in around the 1860's near Monterrey, Mexico. He runs from town to town, warning the pueblos of the 'demons' with red eyes. At his last stop, he comes across Pedre Benito Vela, a devoted priest from a small town whose faith in God is his only reason to doubt Pedro's imaginative tale.
As we listen to Pedro's tale unfold he talks about the horrors he witnessed. Here's a snippet:
He had chanced a look at the main street – all he could see – and immediately wished he hadn't. These were not men, they were monsters. The scene below him, hindered though it was, was that of a nightmare. For an intelligent man like Pedro it was almost impossible to comprehend. Shapes blurred from house to house, room to room, dragging the occupants into the street. The first few minutes of the attack appeared to be pure savagery. People were torn limb from limb, several of the demons converging on what remained and drinking the blood spurting from severed arteries. Body parts were tossed around like children's toys, blood was running in the slop channel in the street. It was as if the creatures had been taken over by a feeding frenzy.
Now I don't know about you, but I found that to be a lot like what it feels like here, though the Major is toned down. We are in a new state of war in Texas, much like Mexico back then. It's about territory and feeding again, much like before the Voturi stepped in all those years ago.
As the story unfolds, we see that Pedro's tale, effects the towns people of El Pueblo de los Santos. With their faith in God and the priest that upholds their devotion, and after a few days a massacre ensues.
Now, I have seen gruesome in my time, along with deranged newborns *mutters an 'ouch' as the Major smack me upside the head, reminding me that I was once a deranged newborn too*, but the scene inside the sanctuary, well... lets just see what mental image you come up with after reading this:
Screams echoed around the adobe walls, figures blurred and crashed too quickly to be properly comprehended. Padre Vela had a strange image of a child, his neighbor's child, flying through the air, limbless and spouting blood from each socket, to be caught by another and devoured. It was at that precise moment that Padre Vela realized the truth Pedro had been trying to tell. These things truly were monsters, demons. This was no neat blood-letting, this was carnage. Limb ripped from limb, viscera exposed, intestines torn out and thrown casually to one side, heads lobbed away like stones in a game. Gore splattered the inside of the church. Slime, entrails, excreta and urine ran down the aisle; it was splashed all over the walls, the altar, the floor. The demons still greedily feasting on the once-human flesh before them paid no attention to the Padre as he eased himself behind the altar. He was unsurprised to see Pedro sheltering there also.
*points at the screen, saying I told you so* See what I mean? As much as I would like to admit that our life here in Texas is all rainbows and butterflies, it's not. It's nasty, gruesome and a fight till death, human or vampire.
While, both the Major and I were astonished at how clearly she wrote his past, she brings another haunting element into the story. A priest, a man of God who by now clearly is second guessing his faith, becomes one of us. Losing his faith thinking that he has been damned to hell, he strips himself of his robes and his faith and becomes the one on another mission. Her description of the priest, made me shudder with the fact that he is still out there, watching and waiting for the right moment to strike.
This is just the first chapter, as I'm not going to get into the second. Her descriptions had me cowering in fear, second guessing just whose more dangerous the Major *earns a glare, mutters a sorry to the Major* or the priest.
This story is such an excellent read even though there is only two chapters, it's a work in progress. Neither the Major or I can wait for an update. Maybe she has some sort of "gift" that reaches into the past to write a story that was clearly before her time. Go and give her some love, for as much as we love the Major.
Signing off,
Sgt. TittyKickers
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Golden Gloves by TheFaintHeart
By: TheFaintHeart
Pairing: J/B
World: AH
From the moment we started reading, we knew that she had a way with words. We were drawn into The Major's mate's point of view by the sheer determination that Ms. Bella had shown. She was settin' out to TKO her opponents, let alone over The Majors heart. *smiles gently at Ms. Bella sittin' on The Majors lap*, here's where the story takes a turn. The Major comes into play and Ms. Bella isn't highly amused by his sudden appearance. *snickers at Ms. Bella for he secret love of motorcycles* Her coach Jimmy is truly set on bringing The Major onto his team of fighters, and she doesn't like it at all. A chance encounter with an apple, really brings Ms. Bella's thoughts of The Major to the forefront of her mind. Here's what Ms. Bella said happened:
"Wait! What did Carlisle say to you, are you still restricted from training this week?" Jasper suddenly appeared behind me and I startled at his voice, dropping my apple to the ground. "Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he mumbled as he bent sown to pick up the fruit. He looked at it for a moment, uncertain if I wanted it back and finally held it out to me. I looked down, frowning at the dirt marring the white of the apple's flesh but still taking it from him.
It was a simple incident that started this buddin' sexual tension for Ms. Bella and The Major. *laughs lightly because I know what it's like to have the sexual tension at the The Major* By the next chapter, my commandin' officer comes out lookin' all sexy of sorts accordin' to Ms. Bella. This is the description she secretly told me:
Two things hit the floor, my hand wraps and my jaw. I couldn't be bothered to pick up either, I was too busy staring. I hated to admit it to myself, but if he showed up at my door selling a one way ticket to Hell I'd buy two just so that he could go with me so my staring wouldn't be interrupted.
His boots were the tall version to my shorter ones. He was wearing black shorts that stopped a couple of inches above his knees showing off his defined quadriceps as he walked. I wanted to watch his knees as the muscles moved with each step he took but felt it imperative to assess the entire package before I dedicated my attention to a single body part. His narrow waist widened up through a muscular chest and broad, powerful shoulders lead to tanned, well defined arms.
Well, from personal experience, I know Ms. Bella defiantly bought those two tickets to Hell. Otherwise, she wouldn't be sittin' on The Major's lap, now would she? *chuckles right along with Ms. Bella* By Chapter 6, The Major and I are in hysterics as Ms. Bella describes the pancake eatin' marathon. *Seriously, if I had any bodily functions...I would have pissed myself laughin'* My commandin' officer doesn't really understand how serious Mr. Emmett takes his pancake eatin'. He even question's it to Ms. Bella. Just wait till ya read her description of Mikey Newton...even, I felt my stomach turn at that. Ewww...that's just gross. *whispers a 'sorry ' at Ms. Bella*
Anyhow, I'm not gonna give much more than that. It still remains a WIP, and we can't wait to see just what Ms. Bella and The Major end up doin'. *Wags eyebrows at them* If ya are wonderin' about how The Major felt about Ms. Bella, check out her companion pieces to Golden Gloves called Ringside Revelations. In which, it tells us how The Major becomes The Major, from The Major's point of view. *snickers, that was a mouthful*
*sighs* at the thought of a hot and sweaty Major...
Sgt. TittyKickers
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Our Lovely Minnakoda
I finally got some down time away from The New Southern Wars here in Texas, thanks to my commandin' officer. Apparently this "thin'" *rolls eyes at The Majors word for blog* is a great way to get on his good side. Ya would think I would have wanted to travel up North and visit Peter and Char, but I took an even Southern route. I landed my ass slap in the middle of "The Land Down Under" *humms Land Down Under by Men at Work*. I know, sparkly vamps really don't mix well in sunny places, but I had a feelin' she would sit down and chat with me. Even if she didn't, I would have just 'dazzled' her to get my way. *giggles*
In a secluded area well away from the human population, she showed no fear of the fact that my crimsion eyes had shown my diet. Truthfully, I didn't want her to fear me; she knows deep down I wouldn't hurt her. I had to question her about Cleanup in the Produce Aisle and Dark Temptation, that The Major seemed to love so damn much. I would have to agree with The Major here, we both thouroughly enjoyed it. *kudos for such a crackfic* Both The Major and I had questions that we just couldn't understand the who's, what's, why's and hows, I just had to ask...
While Cleanup in the Produce Aisle is a o/s which you continued with Dark Temptation, we find that the stereo-typical Peter just knows shit and you briefly go into how he and Bella met. Did Peter “just know” that he would have to be there for Bella after the break with the Cullens? Are we going to get that back-story?
*Yells "Major, here I come...I hope that ya have finally done somethin' that ragin' hard on, if not, you are so totally fuckin' screwed. LITERALLY!!!"*
A big thank ya to Minnakoda and her time.
In a secluded area well away from the human population, she showed no fear of the fact that my crimsion eyes had shown my diet. Truthfully, I didn't want her to fear me; she knows deep down I wouldn't hurt her. I had to question her about Cleanup in the Produce Aisle and Dark Temptation, that The Major seemed to love so damn much. I would have to agree with The Major here, we both thouroughly enjoyed it. *kudos for such a crackfic* Both The Major and I had questions that we just couldn't understand the who's, what's, why's and hows, I just had to ask...
When coming up with Cleanup in the Produce Aisle, what was your inspiration? I noticed that it was a one-shot for Lovin’ in the Oven contest, after all. Did you have images of American Pie going through your head or something?
Bahaha, American Pie, that would have been awesome inspiration I think I might have recently read ‘An Imperfect Love’ which I think is the fic where Jasper uses his gift to give Bella a loud, public orgasm at a diner. I think that was sort of my inspiration for using Jasper’s power in the way that I did. I really just wanted to try entering the contest and I wasn’t really confident enough to write an ‘actual lemon’. Honestly, I’m kind of glad I didn’t because some of the entries were really, really steamy and I don’t think I have the skill to write a steamy sexy scene like that, so instead I made it kinda sexy, kinda awkward, kinda funny. Also, I actually spend a LOT of time at the grocery store. *scrunches up nose at the thought of human food*
While Cleanup in the Produce Aisle is a o/s which you continued with Dark Temptation, we find that the stereo-typical Peter just knows shit and you briefly go into how he and Bella met. Did Peter “just know” that he would have to be there for Bella after the break with the Cullens? Are we going to get that back-story?
Ah, see I can’t really answer this question. Firstly, because my characters don’t tell me a lot: I usually just sort of sit down and go for it, and sometimes the end result of each chapter is not entirely what I set out to write (for example, midget strippers- which was actually a prompt from stitchcat to incorporate a male merkin type thing she sent me). Secondly, because that might give away some plot points. I don’t honestly know if Peter ‘just knew’ to find Bella, sometimes I think people take the spontaneity out of life by relying too heavily on Peter and Alice’s gifts to direct their stories, and I’m trying not to do that. *nods head, I totally agree although I may be one of those offenders* We will hear more about how Peter and Bella first met though. I think the whole story may end up being an outtake from Peter’s POV, but I can’t make any guarantees.
*Oh, that would be so much different being from Peter's POV. He seems so serious and protective of Bella, even with Jasper who he's known for more than a century.*
One person that I find hysterical in your story is Charlie. He’s always so protective with Bella, but it seems as though he adores Peter and that he ends up in jail. Why did you make that decision?
Charlie and Renee are usually written off as characters in fics. In the Twilight books Charlie is played down a lot too, but there is something about that line in the movies “Charlie Swan, famous ladies man” that just KILLS me. *hysterically laughs, I think it's halarious when Charlie says "Super," in Eclipse, I crack up everytime.* I wanted THAT Charlie, the one that was Dad, and Chief Swan, and protective and a bit conservative, but who still had a wicked sense of humour. Plus, how can you have a pornstache like that and not have a sense of humour? *giggles, that's deffinantly agreeable...Ron Jeremy anyone?*
Okay, now I have to ask…The other day on Twitter we were talking about midgets, more importantly stripper midgets(this was even before I read your story) cause you know Hammerhips just loves them. When I read your story and saw that both Peter and Bella had a “thing” for stripper midgets, I was shocked to see that. What inspired you to write that? An oh my be-Jesus, an EWOK no less? What’s with Peter and being afraid of furry things?
Ok, so I made a bit of a comment about this before… but I’ll give you the long story. I was reading NAWWAL (I like to pronounce it Narwhal) by stitchat, it’s an All-human Bella/Jasper fic and it’s pretty awesome. There was this thing, in Chapter 10 which made me stop and go ‘wtf’ though, so I messaged her on twitter and I’m like “What the hell is turdles?” (and no that’s not a typo). She told me someone (I can’t remember who) challenged her to incorporate it into her chapter, so she did. I was like “huh, that’s neat”, so she challenged me to incorporate this weird-ass picture (I can’t find the link, sorry) into my next chapter. It was kinda like something between a merkin (pubic hair wig) and a belt and… just odd. And my first thought was “ewok stripper”. And it just sort of went sideways from there. *snorts, it went extremely sideways*
So, as for the midget stripper aficionados, well I like to think that Peter and Bella have a kickass sense of humour in common and would find stuff like that just plain awesome. I mean no disrespect to midget strippers, but its… People of Walmart awesome.*People of Walmart, seriously...snorts, I have to agree, there are many interestin' people in Walmart especially in the South* Have you seen the movie “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”? it’s got a really good bit about midget strippers. *quirks eyebrow, I have seen the book but the movie, no.* Plus it’s got that Logan guy from Gilmore Girls in it. Hot.
As for Peter’s phobia – I dunno… he just is. He’s a really sensitive type dude, and some things just bother him.
Would you write a o/s at least for the three-some between Bella, Peter and Char? That could be hot you know. I’ll be the first in line to read that one. *blushes*
Hahahaha, no seriously, plot-wise it’s something that happens, I’m just not sure about my ability to write a threesome. There are some pretty complex physics involved there. Perhaps I’ll have to do some research first ;)
We see that Jasper is brooding in this one and seems a little frustrated at Bella, is that going to eventually change with a steamy lemon? I sure as hell hope so!
Well, in short, I think my Jasper is a bit clueless. We haven’t really seen a lot of it yet, but have you noticed how unobservant he is? *oh god yes, he's abslutely clueless sometimes. May I smack him upside the head? I'll tell The Major that you said I could do it...* He hung out with her twice and didn’t notice her wedding ring, there’s a few other things he’s missed too. And how did he not smell ‘other vampire’ on her, much less Peter and Char who he knows. I think my Jasper is a bit lost and if he’s frustrated it’s understandable. Bella was the catalyst for a lot of change in his life and the reactions he is having towards her are a bit unexpected. She’s also not who he expects which is hard for him to handle. *many times I see that Bella doesn't have a backbone and cowers down, but your Bella is quite frankly put...hell on wheels* He’s used to being in control of a situation, and so he struggles when dealing with the unknown.
Who do you “fangirl” over?
OMG, everyone. I fangirl at Cullen818 a lot, and I think it embarrasses her, because she’s always “You really don’t need to fangirl, it’s cool.” and then I’ll send her an email that is just “SQUEEEEEE YOU EMAILED ME!” Actually, I think I’m embarrassing myself with that too.*snorts, yeah I think ya have* I also fangirl a bit more secretly at HammerHips, because Underneath Your Scars was such an epic story.*I'm going to embarrass myself here to and squeeeee a bit, I adore Hammerhips.* Sometimes I fangirl at my boss too, like in real life. I want to be him when I grow up, only, with more hair. *Are you sayin' he is bald???*
Are there any recs that you want to make that are not very well known that you really enjoy?
Well, you’ve already put it up on your blog, but ‘Behind Enemy Lines’ by Jazzella is pretty F***ing awesome. I like that it’s different from a lot of Bella/Jasper stories and I really don’t know what to expect from chapter to chapter. *Yep, I'm gonna have to squeeee here too. I love this story.* I also get really excited whenever I see an update for ‘Conversations with my Killer’ by Oracle Vas, although it hasn’t updated since the fall I think, which makes me sad because its kind of awesome.*nods head, I totally agree* Another Bella/Jasper that I get really excited about is ‘Someday’ by duskri123, it’s sort of wrapping up I think, but it’s a whole layer of subplot that could, conceivably, have risen from canon and its fascinating. I also love the chapter where Jasper explores his only fear.
For something completely different, I would recommend ‘When Live Gives You Lemons: Eat Them’ by DreamersDaze. It’s actually a Bella/Edward (well, it’s mostly Bella) all-human story about a Bella who is really overweight and struggles to comes to terms with that, especially after someone close to her falls ill and everything sort of snaps into perspective for her. It’s vastly different from the type of fic I’d usually read, but it’s funny, and sassy and well written, and I love the sort of hidden morals. I also routinely want to punch this Bella in the face and tell her to stop being so damn negative.
Your top 5 stories that you love to read over and over again?
Well, right now I’m re-working my way through ‘Sassafrass Junction’ which has been reposted by MsEerieChastain,*aka: many of you know her as VampishVixen or VV* it was the first Bella/Jasper fic I ever read, and I think I love it solely for the line: “Rose was suddenly overcome with a case of facepalm.” It really is hilarious.
I also enjoy re-reading “An Imperfect Love” by mistyhaze420 which is another Bella/Jasper fic. It’s pretty different and often unintentionally hilarious.
‘Bella Swan: Kidnapper’ by Kambria Rain is the most g-d HILARIOUS fic I have ever read. I constantly find myself pimping it out to people on facebook and twitter. No seriously, people expect it from me any time they ask for a rec. I’ve probably read it about 5 times now, and its still funny every time. C’mon, there is a car horn that screams ‘FAT ASS’. How can you not love it?
My other recent re-read has been ‘The Quiet Room’ by givemesomevamp. The summary says it all really: So, I'm a little crazy.You're a little dead, but I don't keep throwing that up in your face."I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still wary, but we out numbered her at least. After all, how much trouble could one small human possibly be. It’s a pretty fucked up story, and Bella really is a little (lot) crazy. *I've actually read some of this story, It's really good.*
Another awesome story, that is actually from the Southern Vampire Mysteries (True Blood) fandom is Dead With The Vikings by Thyra10, where Sookie is sent back in time to a human Eric. It’s really well written and could feasibly flow really nicely with canon SVM.
Is there any stories that you read that you are impatiently waiting on an update for?
Hmm…. There’s this fic I started reading last week called.. oh what was it… hmm ‘Epoch’ that I’ve been waiting for, have you heard of it? *Oh yes, I know that one very well. You may wanna tell the author to hurry the hell up and update. I know last time I talked to her, she was at a writer's block. But personally, I think she is on Twitter way too much...giggles*
Truthfully, every time I open my FF folder in my email, I pray for an update of ‘Life Just Happens, So Roll With It’ by mama4dukes, because its awesome. Plain and simple, awesome. The last chapter involved someone throwing a rabbit through a cruisers’ windshield. *Seriously? I'm so far behind on that one I'm probablly goin' to have to start at the beginnin' again. Amanda actin' like a dog really cracks me up. I would have to give Eddie Boy some sympathy here, just a smidge though.*
I also get pretty excited whenever I see an update for ‘Hit and Run’ by lifelesslyndsey. It’s a Bella/Alistair tale, and they HATE each other. She should be at least a runner up in the nominations for ‘most disturbing lemon’. When she PM’d me to tell me that the next chapter would have a lemon in it, I accused her of trying to trick me, saying she was going to use actual fruit lemons in her next chapter. *snorts, you thought of an actual fruit...* I was wrong, but in my defence, Alistair is a pirate. Yep. Vampire hermit pirate kidnapper. It’s win. She’s pretty slow on the updates, but for the most part the quality and length more than make up for the wait.
I hadn't laughed so hard in my entire life as I did my stay in Australlia. It felt great to get to know a little bit that goes through her brain when writin' her stories. There are a lot of agreeances in there with her as I have enjoyed some of those stories as well. But for now I'm back to the lovely South...born and bred baby, born and fuckin' bred.*Yells "Major, here I come...I hope that ya have finally done somethin' that ragin' hard on, if not, you are so totally fuckin' screwed. LITERALLY!!!"*
A big thank ya to Minnakoda and her time.
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